Hello my name is Anna Denise and I'm lactose intolerant. 75% of adults worldwide actually stop producing the nifty little enzyme called 'lactase' after childhood, and it's not really a big deal, but to Dutch people, not being able to eat dairy is almost like a death sentence. A dinner party death sentence, mind you, because it will turn any good, gezellige Dutch dinner party into a pit of despair and loss.
First, there's the obligatory fun little run through of all the foods you can't digest. Cheese? Mostly, no. Butter? Nope. Milk? Neh. Yoghurt? Nee. OHMAHGODCHOCOLATE? Yeah, I know. No.
Then: confusion. "Well, at least you can have goat cheese". No, that would be alright if I had a cow milk allergy. Lactose intolerance is an enzyme deficiency, not an allergy - different causes, different symptoms. I especially love it when people tell you you're wrong about this and insist they know someone who's sister has it and can eat goat cheese. while people can have different levels of deficiency, of course, I'm pretty sure that for me, it's a no go. I mean, it's ok. I didn't really care either, until my bowels exploded.
And finally, depression sets in, "but I was planning to cook you this really nice meal of butter, cheese, melted butter, cream, topped off with chocolate!". I know. I'm sorry. It sounds amazing, really (this is why it's best to give the host a heads up way in advance, and give them a list of things that are ok).
And while everyone in my life has since ran through all of these stages (sometimes twice), and have actually been very very kind and have cooked me totally lactose free meals since I was diagnosed, dessert remains an issue, as most desserts are traditionally dairy heavy. I myself have come to very much enjoy coconut/almond/soy replacements, but I understand not everyone does.
So! On to the internet I went and found me a little recipe. This vegan lactose free banana ice cream recipe is a life saver. Not only is the banana surprisingly creamy, it's also super easy to make (if you remember to freeze the banana on time). I wish I could remember where I found the recipe, so I could thank the authors for their awesomeness.
Enjoy, other 75% of the world, apparently living outside of Holland!